Why are you shouting at me?!

Why do people shout?
Some people just shout, that's what they do.
And some people shout because they are angry.

Why are they angry? 
Because they are frustrated.

Why are they frustrated? 
Because they don't feel heard.

I was thinking about an 11 year old girl today who is very precocious and shouts all the time. Seriously she doesn't talk, she shouts everything and it is very annoying to a lot of people.

But when I actually talk to her, she doesn't shout, she is actually quite reserved and bashful and a bit quiet in fact. I wondered why and realised, it's because she doesn't feel heard in her life.

When I listened to her and paid attention to what she was saying and asked her questions, she didn't need to shout or be precocious or difficult. She was actually very charming and cute and engaging to talk to.

I realised this shouting behaviour is not just limited to children, who are extremely powerless and voiceless in society, but also adults.

Why do we shout in relationships? 

What happens when we shout? Does the other person listen? Or do they shout louder so they can be heard over your shouting?

Eventually no-one is listening and no-one feels heard and so we shout louder and louder till there is just chaos.

Sometimes it can be good to have a blow out and get everything out of your system, but if this is generally the way you have learnt to communicate with each other on a daily basis, it may be worth looking at why you are shouting so much and perhaps taking a moment to listen and see what happens to the dynamic between you...