This is a great blog post from Dr Margaret Paul about how we feel to blame for other's behaviour:
http://www.innerbonding.com/show-article/2883/if-you-really-loved-me-you-wouldnt.html
It's very much in line with the work I do around attachment behaviours. Under stress or threat, we often revert to learned attachment behaviours from our childhood, which might be withdrawal, silence, shutting down, or blaming, anger and attack.
These behaviours are normal and just a way of coping in high emotion situations, but over time if these behaviours are not acknowledged and resolved, your relationship can be eroded as you continuously disconnect and alienate each other.
Once you get to the point of 'no return' the relationship is over and you walk away no wiser, only to repeat your same patterns in your next relationship.
Dr Margaret Paul's article emphasises how we can take loving care or ourselves in order to move to a place where we can come back together and heal our relationships and in turn, each other and ourselves.
