Belief is a beautiful armour

I was listening to this today by John Mayer today and it really resonated. Wanted to share the lyrics as it's so much of what I see being tussled with in relationships; People fighting for their beliefs. 

Belief is a beautiful armour, because we feel it protects us from being hurt, but when you hit someone you love with it, you can really hurt them. 

How can we work together to accept and respect each other's beliefs?

Belief

Is there anyone who
Ever remembers changing their mind from
The paint on a sign?
Is there anyone who really recalls
Ever breaking rank at all
For something someone yelled real loud one time

Everyone believes
In how they think it ought to be
Everyone believes
And they're not going easily

Belief is a beautiful armour
But makes for the heaviest sword
Like punching under water
You never can hit who you're trying for

Some need the exhibition
And some have to know they tried
It's the chemical weapon
For the war that's raging on inside

Everyone believes
From emptiness to everything
Everyone believes
And no ones going quietly

We're never gonna win the world
We're never gonna stop the war
We're never gonna beat this
If belief is what we're fighting for

What puts a hundred thousand children in the sand
Belief can
Belief can
What puts the folded flag inside his mother's hand
Belief can
Belief can

Ninja

I'm a ninja, it's true. It's nice to have validation of how difficult this work can be, so this article made me smile.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/04/fashion/couples-therapists-confront-the-stresses-of-their-field.html?pagewanted=all

Where are my socks?!

This post by Dr Margaret Paul made me laugh today:

http://www.innerbonding.com/show-article/3248/im-neat-hes-messy-what-can-i-do.html

But in particular, this paragraph is very sobering and resonates loudly to me in my work and I wanted to share:

'I tell people over and over again, "You get what you see. If you are not okay with the way the person is right now, then end the relationship before getting more deeply involved. The person may or may not change, but you can't change them. And change is very unlikely unless the person is already on a path of personal growth and wants to heal the issue. If the issue is not perceived by them as a problem, then it is unlikely that change will occur, no matter how much the issue is a problem for you and no matter how much you love that person. So, either accept it or leave.'

Wow, so many people come into therapy wanting to change their partner, when actually the heart of love is acceptance.

She's right, unless that person wants to change, you will never succeed in making them into the person you want them to be...

But still this story about hiding stuff is funny.

Happier thoughts to follow soon!

x

Cosmo interview

I was interviewed for Cosmopolitan Magazine's 'So You Think You Want My Job' page this week. 

There was quite a team that turned up to the Relate offices consisting of the journalist, make up artist, picture editor, photographer and photographer's assistant.

The interview was quite quick and lasted about half an hour. As the make up artist got to work on my hair, face and nails, the journalist asked me to hold a voice recorder and asked me lots of questions about my work at Relate as well as my work at ChildLine and the baby swimming classes I teach.

The photo shoot was quite a bit longer and lasted about an hour and a half. We shot 3 different outfits and quite a few different looks, both inside a therapy room and outside the Relate building. It seemed like we had to take a lot of pictures just to get one good shot, but the team assured me, this was normal and this was actually a very chilled out shoot. 

As we set up shots and posed for pictures, we all began talking about our own relationships and thoughts about couples counselling. It seems that when it comes to relationships, this is a subject that is of universal interest and affects us all... 

The article will be coming out in Cosmopolitan's November Relationship Special Edition and will be available from the 1st of October 2012.