Communication is NOT the most important thing in a relationship...

The popular belief is that the most important thing in a relationship is communication...it's not. 

The MOST important thing in a relationship is actually connection.

It is having a strong connection that will make you want to communicate with each other and will make communicating more authentic, honest and satisfying.

Communication is the second most important thing, but we are still only communicating in order to make a connection.

When you are connected and united in your quest for a successful relationship, everything, including your communication will flow from this place easily and painlessly.

The tendency we have when things are difficult in our relationships is to want to focus on the problem and communicate communicate communicate, but it is actually much more difficult to communicate effectively when you are not connected and working together for the good of the relationship.

The difficulty and the disconnection goes hand in hand, we are often angry because we feel disconnected and therefore threatened by it. However at this point you are usually both fighting your corners and trying to prove why you are right and the other person is wrong.

This kind of communication really only serves to disconnect you even more and compound the problem as you become polarised in your positions.

If you are trying to communicate your distress the disconnection is causing you by essentially blaming the other person, it will not repair the connection, instead it will push them away.

People generally don't respond well to been stood in the firing line and attacked. Think about what it is you are upset about and then how to get to what it is that you want.

Couples who experience a ratio of 5 good interactions to 1 bad interaction, or around 80% of the time your relationship is great and 20% it's challenging, will have a greater chance of staying together.

 Look at your ratio, if you have dipped below the 80% or you are having more than 1 in 5 difficult interactions try to turn your attention to bringing up your ratio to having more good interactions.

Bring the fun and goodwill back into your relationship, move the focus from the bad stuff, to reconnecting and bringing up the ratio of good to bad interactions so you can be in a connected place to try and look at the problem together.

You need a good will account to get you through the rough times and crisis points, so keep working on paying into this so your balance is in credit.

No-one wants to put the work and effort into something that isn't worth it and the hard times are only worth fighting through, because the good times are so fun, and amazing, and plenty, and frequent in between.