Predicting Relationship Success

In my previous post on Predicting Relationship Failure, I talked about the research findings Dr John Gottman found in the breakdown of relationhips.

In this post, I will be looking at the other end of the research. The 4 predictors of a healthy, happy relationship!

1) Repair Techniques
When you are in conflict and things get too intense it's often impossible to be rational and work things out. When couples find themself in this place but are still able to laugh at themselves and each other, thank each other for sharing their feelings, show respect for each other, take a break, call a time out, have a hug, go for a walk or say they will talk again about it the next day. These are repair techniques that disrupt the conflict from escalating and if the other person is also able to accept the repair techniques and co-operate in restoring the equilibrium then there's definitely hope.

2) Remind them you care about them 
When couples are in conflict it can be hard to see that on the other side of their pain is someone they care about. If a couple are able to still let each other know they care about each other through conflict and difficult times they are on a good path. There is a lot of power is saying 'sorry' and it's not your intention to upset them and that you really care about them because that is what they most need to hear at that time.

3) Responsiveness
A couple who check in with each other, read each other's expressions and body language, ask each other how they are feeling, are playful with each other, are always interacting, talking and listening, engaging and paying attention to each other, taking note of things the other one says and either adding to it or supporting and encouraging them, if partners are responsive to each other this is real romance in action. Responding to each other in a million different ways shows your partner, 'I'm thinking of you', 'you matter to me', 'I'm interested in you'. It is tangible and you can really feel the love between 2 people who have this dynamic between them.

4) Being friends 
Gottman's research found in a survey of divorced men and women that equally 70% of the men and 70% of the women said it was because the friendship died. If a couple have a strong friendship underpinning their relationship they have really great grounds for success. In times of crises, if a couple can look at their partner's needs and where they are in their lives and help their partner the way they would help advise a friend, despite their role and expectations of that role in their life, they are truly practising altruism and authentic love. This is the best kind of relationship.