Stop hurting your inner child

If you perhaps had parents that were overly critical or punitive you may well have unconsciously internalised this voice and continue to talk to yourself in this way without realising it.

This can often result in depression and anxiety as you are telling yourself bad things about yourself...I am not be good enough, I will fail, I am too fat, thin, ugly, stupid, no-one will ever love me, nobody cares if I'm struggling or hurting so don't bother saying anything about it, nothing will work out for me, it's all my fault, I get everything wrong etc...You get the picture.

A useful exercise you could try is to visualise yourself going back to revisit yourself when you were 5, 7, 12 years old or however old you were when you really needed a kind, supportive adult's help to manage some big difficult feelings. Perhaps you could go back to that point in time and have a conversation with yourself from your adult self.

Maybe you were scared on the first day of school and there was no-one there for you to talk to about how you felt, or you expressed your anxiety and your parents told you not to be such a baby and to stop crying. Imagine talking to your inner child and telling them that it is ok to be scared and that everyone feels scared when they have to do something new. Imagine what it would feel like to wipe away those 5 year old tears and give them a hug and some gentle encouragement. Start learning how to be kinder to yourself and tell your inner child how perfect they are just as they are and how much you love them.

If you are blaming yourself or giving yourself a hard time for something, again imagine stepping out of that position and look at yourself as a 9 year old (or whatever age you feel most useful and relevant for the purposes of engaging with the feelings neccessary for this exercise) and think about what you would say to yourself now.

Could you imagine saying the same things you have been saying to yourself, to a small child? Your small inner child? When you look at it like that, wouldn't you be horrified to think of telling a 9 year old they are stupid and useless, so why would you tell yourself the same thing now? Why would you deserve to think that about yourself or believe it could be true?

The key to this is to recognise your bad feelings when you feel them and see how they are linked to the ways you are hurting your inner child and yourself. From this place, take a step back, look at what you are telling yourself and begin to correct these negative, critical perspectives with a kind, positive, encouraging adult voice. You have the power now to connect with yourself and to offer yourself unconditional love and regard for you just being yourself whatever age you are. Love your inner child, love yourself.