Perfect

We all have a set of standards that we live by and usually this is a good thing as it encourages us to keep aiming for something higher and continuously improve ourselves. However, there can be a point where we are too hard on ourselves and the people around us. Perhaps you grew up in a family or environment where you needed to meet a set of expectations in order to be loved or to keep the peace.

Alanis Morissette talks about this in her song 'Perfect'.

Sometimes is never quite enough
If you're flawless, then you'll win my love
Don't forget to win first place
Don't forget to keep that smile on your face

Be a good boy
Try a little harder
You've got to measure up
And make me prouder
 
How long before you screw it up
How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up
With everything I do for you
The least you can do is keep quiet
 
Be a good girl
You've gotta try a little harder
That simply wasn't good enough
To make us proud
 
I'll live for you
I'll make you what I never was
If you're the best, then maybe so am I
Compared to him compared to her
I'm doing this for your own damn good
You'll make up for what I blew
What's the problem ...... why are you crying?
 
Be a good boy
Push a little farther now
That wasn't fast enough
To make us happy
We'll love you just the way you are 
If you're perfect.

When you were a child if you felt that you had to be 'perfect' in order to be loved and had to learn how to keep to a set of rules, you may have subconsciously internalised these rules and continue to live by them as an adult.

Perhaps it was little things like not leaving your socks lying around or dirty dishes in the sink, or it could veer to the more extreme end of OCD levels of cleanliness.

What was the consequence of not keeping to these rules or standards as a child? Do these consequences still apply? How does it affect you if you don't keep to these rules, do you physically feel anxious and panicky? How do you feel when people around you don't follow these rules?

It may be difficult living with a person who has a different set of standards and rules for living than you and it will affect both of you. It could be helpful to think about which rules you have adopted from your childhood and which rules can be loosened now. To lessen conflict over not meeting each other's expectations, looking at these together and re-negotiating as adults can be really useful.

When it comes to cleanliness, there is a difference between good practice and neurosis, so if you feel that you may have a problem with obsessive behaviour I would recommend going to see your GP for more advice.