Why 'playing hard to get' actually works...

I am never one to propagate any kind of game playing, but I just want to write a short post on why playing hard to get actually works, but with an added health warning that just because it works doesn't mean it's going to end up being a lasting, healthy relationship.

So why does it work? Newton's Law explains that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Put simply if I push, you pull, if you push, I pull. Think about it like this, you walk into a car showroom and a salesman comes over and begins heavily 'pushing' his sales pitch onto you, you may very likely feel like you want to 'pull' away and leave without buying a car and as you walk home with no car you wonder what just happened because you did actually want to buy one.

No-one wants to be pressured into doing anything they don't want to do, so when we feel pushed our natural reaction is to pull away. The same works romatically, if a person heavily pursues you, you may well feel overwhelmed and turned off, irritated, stalked even. The more they pursue, the more you want to escape and push them away. This is the only reason why 'playing hard to get' could actually work for you in getting someone's attention. If everyone in the room is falling at their knees over the hottest girl/guy in the room and you are nonchalent, even oblivious, they will 9 times out of 10 notice you and wonder why you are not behaving like everyone else.

Human nature is like that; we always want what we can't have. The exception to this however, is when two people are genuinely interested in each other. When this happens there will be a balance between them, where each action will produce an equal and opposite reaction, so for as much push is applied, the equal pull is applied in return. One person is not pushing more than the other and effectively pushing them away, the same push is being returned and they create an equilibrium between them even though there is being force applied both ways.

Finally, no matter how much pulling away or pursuing you engage in, this kind of behaviour modification can only be maintained for so long. So although you may succeed in capturing the object of your affection's attention by 'playing hard to get', at some point you are going to need to let go and let things develop organically and if the only way you can hold a person's attention is by being aloof and disinterested so they see you as a 'challenge', you may well need to consider your long term relationship prospects with this person. The other danger is that the person you like may just be shy and if you make no advances towards them, they may just think you are not interested and give up on you.

The best thing you can do at all times is just be your best, highest self, and if the person you like, likes you as you are, then no-one needs to play any games or overanalyse anything and we can all just get on with the real business of working on authentic and honest, lasting relationships that will help us to grow and learn both together and individually.