Get over it.

On Wikipedia Closure 'refers to a conclusion to a traumatic event or experience in a person's life' and is defined in the Oxford Dictionary online as 'a feeling that an emotional or traumatic experience has been resolved'.

We talk about closure in pretty loose terms, but if we look at the above definitions of what we are dealing with, it is clear that sometimes 'getting over it' is not as easy to do as it is to say. We are getting over a trauma, an emotional experience which has affected us very deeply and trying to find a resolution to this.

The classic advice goes along the lines of...arrange to meet up with your ex, have a conversation, talk about why the relationship ended, acknowledge what was good about it, explore what didn't work, don't fight or argue, say goodbye amicably, let it go and move on with your life.

Or, if that is not an option because they are not open to it, write a letter to your ex saying everything you need to say then burn it. Or get therapy.

Of course all these are great suggestions and no doubt can help a great deal in the healing process, but I wonder if a conclusion or closure is ever really truly possible or neccessary...Could this need for closure be part of a more pervasive pattern in your life, which is the need for control? A need to know and an inability to tolerate uncertainty?

If you really love someone won't you always love them and have that connection with them? What can we do to prevent that from being true, to prevent the pain of that loss, to prevent missing the connection we found with that person?

As Alanis Morisette sings, 'The only way out is through' all we can do to heal is to feel our feelings, move through it and allow ourselves to have those memories, keep those lessons learnt, accept that love, life, happiness, sadness, pain, relationships are fluid and changeable. Let everything be as it is, accept that everything is ok, leave the door ajar, be open to the universe because you never know what is going to happen...