So many different ways to communicate...and miscommunicate!

It sounds simple, but when it comes to communication, following this one rule can really save you a lot of confusion and frustration when it comes to affairs of the heart.

In today's technologically advanced society there are so many different ways to communicate such as phone, texts, email, BBM, Pinging, Facebook, Twitter, Blogs the list goes on...but beware, with as many different mediums to communicate through, there are as many opportunities for miscommunication.

All it takes is a misplaced, misread, misunderstood word, or your tone of voice on a phonecall when you're busy and stressed out at work and a whole chain of further miscommunication can ensue.

For example:

Person 1 - 'Hello, what are you doing?'
Person 2 - 'Hi, um, I can't really talk right now, what do you want?'
Person 1 - 'Oh fine, forget it, I'll talk to you later.'
Person 2 - 'No, what is it, come on, I can talk to you for a minute.'
Person 1 - 'No, don't worry, go back to whatever it is you're so busy with.'
Person 2 - 'Don't be like that, I'm just really stressed out, I'm about to go into a meeting.'
Person 1 - 'Ok, have a great meeting, sorry to bother you when you're so busy! I'll talk to you later'
Person 2 - 'Oh come on...'
Person 1 - 'Forget it, see you later. Bye.'
Person 1 hangs up
Person 2 - 'Hello??'

10 minutes later...
Person 1 - Text message 'Sorry to interrupt you when you are so busy being important at work! As I'm bothering you so much don't worry about calling me later, I'm done with dealing with this cr@p!'

Person 2 - Text message 'What are you talking about?? I can't believe you just hung up on me! I was about to go into a meeting and I couldn't talk right then. If you're going to be like that then fine, I'm done with this too.'

2 hours later person 1 sends an email to person 2's work email, person 2 sends one back, more along the same lines, where both parties continue to inflame the other and by the end of the day, two people who started off perfectly happy in the morning when they kissed each other goodbye have broken up and are not speaking to each other anymore.

First of all if you are a person that gets stressed out at work and finds it difficult to think about anything else whilst in that mode, it is ok to set out your boundaries to avoid offending your partner if they want to call and talk to you at work. Agree between you that they should only call in an emergency while you are at work, otherwise a text or email would be better with a particular request which you can reply to when you have a chance to. Let them know that it may take you a while to reply so you can give them your full attention. If you are too busy to reply, let them know when you think you will be able to get back to them.

Secondly, and this is the main point I am making, cut any non face to face communication short as soon as it begins to become negative or emotional. Don't get pulled into reacting and extending the miscommunication. Firmly but gently assure your partner that they are important to you and you want to talk to them about why they are upset or about what it is they wanted to talk to you about in the first place.

Without any defensiveness, explain that however now is not a good time and you would prefer to do this face to face (so you can see them and touch them and look into their eyes) when you can give them your undivided attention. Then agree a time when you will be able to do this, or a time when you will be able to speak to them to arrange a time to do this. In this way you maintain control of the situation and yourself, avoid escalation of emotions and manage your partner's anxiety/frustrations in a respectful and honest manner.

The difficulty of a miscommunication situation often dissipates as soon as you see each other in person and remember what it is you like about your partner and the natural chemistry that brought you together in the first place is something that helps to reconnect you so you can talk through the problem together and figure out what is going to work for both of you going forward.

Technology is great for keeping in constant contact with each other, but I would suggest that when it comes to emotions, confusion and arguments you keep this kind of communication for face to face. Keep technology for all the pragmatic stuff like organising meetings and all the good stuff like little love messages to let your partner know you are thinking of them. And you know, sending whatever kind of pictures you like to each other to remind them how hot they are for you!