It's not what you say...it's what you say, after the way you said it!

So we've all been there, you say something, he says something and suddenly you are both saying things that you don't mean to say at all and it's not just the way you're saying it, it's what you're saying too. All the things you know will really hit where it hurts. Then it all blows up, someone storms out, and neither of you are sure exactly what just happened!

You feel sick in your stomach, you try to call him/her and they are not picking up their phone. You start to panic now and go over and over things in your head, how did we get here you ask yourself? Who was right and who was wrong? Whose fault was it? Then you call a sympathetic friend or family member and rehash your drama with them explaining every word that you said, then he said, then she said, then I said…you get the picture. 

Miscommunication is inevitable in every relationship, no matter how in love or connected you are, we are only human and for the most part not psychics or mind readers! What is really important after the fight is how you talk about what happened between you and resolve the issue together.

Conflict is normal and healthy in relationships to establish boundaries and if you are both able to apologise for your part in the miscommunication and discuss what happened respectfully, avoiding blame, re-negotiating your relationship can actually be an opportunity to build trust and strengthen the bond between the two of you. It’s not what you say…it’s how you say what you say, after you said what you said that counts!