'The heart of wisdom is tolerance'

'They've had a long time to think...sometimes, that's all that's needed. The heart of wisdom is tolerance. I think.'

I think this quote by Steven Erikson is brilliant. One of the most important things I've learned during my time studying and working with relationships is the capacity for tolerance. If you don't know what to do, the best thing you can do is do nothing, wait and see what happens, see how you feel beyond the intensity of in the moment emotions.

Do something else to distract/entertain/comfort/soothe yourself while you figure it out - I would recommend yoga, meditation, hypnosis, art, music, writing, exercise, spending time with friends and family, rather than self destructive behaviours such as drinking, smoking, drugs, eating, self harm, promiscuity...

Being able to tolerate uncertainty, insecurity, jealousy, difference, distance, disagreement, closeness, intimacy, anger, disappointment, betrayal, fear, need, desire...the list goes on. All the emotions you will experience during the course of a relationship with a loved one and more. If we have a strong capacity to tolerate these feelings and maintain our intention to make a relationship work, we will experience a higher level of relationship success.

Learning not to act on our emotions and believe they are whatever reality our mind attaches to it, but to feel them and talk about them (when we feel able) is a massive skill that takes work and strength of character. Ultimately though, there is no phenomenally magic secret to a successful relationship other than two people wanting to be together. Relationships work because you make them work.