Whatever it is that you tend to do when you feel threatened or emotional, try to recognise that and rather than actually doing it, express this in words.
For example, if you have a tendency to get very angry and break things or if you are the type to burst into tears and storm out, rather than actually doing that, see if you can catch a hold of yourself and tell your partner that is how you are feeling...
'I am starting to feel really angry and like I want to break something right now!'
'I feel really upset and like I am about to cry and walk out.'
Saying how you are feeling can be as powerful as actually doing it. You are communicating what is going on with you and how out of control you are feeling to your partner without actually allowing that emotion to take you over and add to the problem by scaring, upsetting or frustrating the other person further.
Learning how to control your emotions is not easy as this is an animal instinct that is aroused in reaction to stimuli, similar to the fight or flight survival response. However, we are now an evolved species and although we may still experience primitive feelings we can learn to control our behaviour.
Rather than escalate a difficult situation by acting on your emotions, you can learn to work with your own behavioural responses to make different choices that lead to better outcomes and a more empowered position in your life and relationships. Knowing you are able to handle your emotions during emotional situations makes these situations much less threatening when you do find yourself caught up in one.
Plus you will discover you will save a lot of money if you stop breaking things whenever you get upset!
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