* See previous post for preamble.
Episode 3: Epicurus on Happiness
According to Epicurus the three components neccessary for happiness are as follows:
1) Friends
Epicurus even went so far as to buy a house and invite all his friends to live in it with him.
He felt it was not enough to just have casual meet ups and social gatherings, he believed he needed to live with them to be happy.
He was of the disposition that every meal should be eaten in the company of others. One should never dine alone.
2) Freedom
Epicurus believed that to be happy a man should be free and not at the mercy of a boss and paycheck.
Practicing what he preached, he moved out of the city with his group of friends and they lived very humbly, growing their own food and not worrying about what other people thought of them and what they owned or wore.
3) Reflection
Finally Epicurus believed that to be truly happy a man needed to take time out of his everyday life to reflect and analyse his life.
Here comes the connection...
In our relationships:
1) Friends
I totally agree with this one. Although maybe not living with them in your relationship - That would be a different subject completely!
In modern society we very much look to our partners to meet all our needs and very often are left wanting.
The saying 'it takes a village to raise a child' is grounded in a very relevant truth. We so often have so little support during this very challenging time.
It's not healthy to go into 'lock in' mode when you are in a relationship and zone out all your friends.
You need your friends around you to give you things your partner can't ie. a good old gossip or moan, or shopping partner.
You friends help you to keep things in perspective and remind you of who you are beyond the relationship. They keep you in touch with reality and your sense of self.
2) Freedom
I couldn't agree more. In our relationships we need to feel free rather than held back or tied to a ball and chain.
Together you are more than a sum of your parts. You have the trust and security to come together and be apart, to grow individually and as a couple.
You know that there is always someone at home, or at the other end of the phone, who has your back and wants the best for you.
That knowledge gives you the freedom to go out into the world and do everything you need to do knowing that if anything goes wrong your partner will be right there by your side.
3) Reflection
In our relationships, we would find it a whole lot easier to be happier more of the time if we regularly took time out to reflect.
Therapy is very much a time for reflection, where we can step out of the moment together and look at the issues presented from a different perspective.
It is during this time that we can reconnect with each other and ourselves and check in with how happy we are and how happy we want to be : )
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!!!
But remember, one last thing, happiness is on a continuum and life is ever changing.
I think what we should be striving for is more of a state of contentment than the high of being 'in love' see stage 2 of love. This phase usually only lasts for about 2 years before the 'in love' feeling fades.
We cannot rely on another person to make us happy, this is something that comes from within.
Our relationships only serve to enhance everything we already feel and know to be true of ourselves.
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