Dating in your 30s...

Dating in your 20s and 30s, particularly for women, is a totally different ball game. Namely, women have a biological imperative that is a reality if children are on the cards.

Fearful facts...
 
Research tells us that a woman's fertility rate drops by 50% by the age of 35 and the older you are, the more difficult a pregnancy you are likely to experience.

Faced with all these frightening facts, it's difficult not to get caught up in the hysteria that begins to become attached to dating.

Every man is a potential father of your children, sperm donor, heathy dna match...!!! Poor guy! Hardly a turn on, or precursor to romance is it?

Dating in your 20s...

Dating in your 20s is all about freedom, experimentation, hedonism, living in the moment, drama and angst, romance and idealism, fun and inconsequence...hope essentially. Hope for the Hollywood dream and everything you ever wanted as a little girl reading fairy tales.

Dating in your 30s...

Dating in your 30s is a much more pragmatic affair. Forget about the dream, it hasn't happened and we don't have time to mess about anymore.

Does he have a steady income and a clean CRB check? Does he want children? Does he want marriage? Yes to the above, fine, let's get on with it.

I'm not saying all 30 something women want these things in a man. Indeed, marriage and children might not be something that appeals to you, but there's no denying that it is a societal life stage that kicks in around this decade of our lives.

Ready to settle down, not ready to settle...

Just because you may have reached an age where you are anxious to settle down, it may not be wise to settle for someone you are fundamentally incompatible with.

The problems will all surface over time and if your partner is not a good match for you, the reality of it is that you will have your children together and struggle, which will not be a healthy happy environment for anybody.

Then your children will grow up and leave home and you will be left with a sperm donor you really have not much in common with! Perhaps that's too cynical a viewpoint, but essentially I'm saying choose someone for who they are, because that is what you are really signing up for.

Step away from womb watch and baby brain madness!!

In and amongst the madness of societal pressure and biological urgency, I would encourage you to consider the importance of the decision you are making for your future.

Try to step away from the pressure of womb watching and baby brain and remember you are choosing a life partner, not just someone to randomly procreate with.

Find an authentic connection...

It's going to be a tough job raising a family and the person you choose to do this with will make all the difference in how hard or easy this is.

How well you are able to communicate, support each other and work together is really important, as this is what you will need to get through the really difficult times.

Start from a place of authentic connection and work your way towards where you would like to go from there.

Don't settle...

Just because you are ready to settle down doesn't mean you should settle for someone who is not able to meet your emotional needs.

Wait for the right person for you because when he comes along, you will be in alignment and it will all happen quickly and organically from there.

Q & A - Sexual tension.

Hi Priscilla,

I have a question……how do you pour cold water over the situation when the tension is just too strong? 

 Meeting with the guy I'm seeing for our third date tomorrow before he goes away on Thursday for two weeks. But even on the bbm its lots of innuendos and suggestions. We match in that sense…LOL. We are so hot for each other, but I don't want to go so fast or sleep with him too soon and get attached.

Also any ideas for where to go on the date? Ahaaaa perhaps theatre show or bowling? What do you think?

Yours, 

Excited.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Excited.

Thank you for your email.

I suggest you let him decide on where to go on your date. You are the one he is trying to convince and woo remember, so don't be so 'nice' and 'considerate' at this stage. Plenty of time to be nice to your husband later : )

Secondly, you can't pretend the sexual tension is not there, so just acknowledge it.

Feel what you feel, accept that is how you feel and say it out loud to him so it is not an unspoken tension/conflict anymore. By doing this you regain control over what you want to do about it, instead of feeling controlled by your feelings.

So, when you feel it, or when you see him and the timing is right, make a joke, hahaha, we are like desperate to jump each other's bones, the sexual tension is ridiculous isn't it?!!

Then suddenly the power of this unspoken tension is released and what you want to do with this is all in your hands and not some kind of crazy, out of control, sexual madness between you. Plenty of time for that stuff when you are really ready and want to move things forward.
 

Because you are being authentic and honest about how you feel in a non-threatening fun way, he will respect you and be totally shocked by how comfortable you are with your feelings.

Try it : ) let me know how it goes!!

Priscilla.

x

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wowzers! Thanks so much!

You can really hit the nail on the head and empower!

Perfect solution. Will let you know the outcome...

Yours,
Excited.