Co-dependent Serenity Prayer

This made me giggle today:

Codependent's Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change,
the courage to change the one I can,
and the wisdom to know it's me.

~Author Unknown

The Trouble with Love and Sex

In case you missed this documentary on Relate last night, catch it on iplayer:


http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b0113fwl/Wonderland_Series_3_The_Trouble_With_Love_and_Sex/

x

Explaining and Defending...

...only exacerbates conflict!!

'It took many years, but I finally accepted that defending and explaining only leads to more and more conflict, since the other person feels controlled and goes into resistance. For a long time I didn't want to see that defending and explaining were forms of control. After all, I just wanted them to see my point of view. What's controlling about that? I convinced myself that if only they understood me, then they would change.'

This is a great article by Dr Margaret Paul. To read the full post click below:


http://www.innerbonding.com/show-article/2812/the-myth-of-explaining-and-defending.html

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BBC Documentary on Relate

Watch this on Wednesday!! Or iplayer if you're not home...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0113fwl

http://www.bbc.co.uk/ariel/13127718

 

Do you have a good relationship with yourself?

I really love this quote from Rilke.

"Love is something difficult and it is more difficult than other things because in other conflicts nature herself enjoins men to collect themselves, to take themselves firmly in the hand with all their strength, while in the heightening of love the impulse is to give oneself wholly away." 

Rainer Maria Rilke: From Letters to a Young Poet - Letter Seven (14 May 1904) 

It is so true, love by virtue of itself, inspires us to give everything away.

However, to be in love and maintain a healthy fulfilling relationship you need to develop a really strong sense of self and personal boundaries.

Knowing who you are, your strengths and vulnerabilities, what makes you happy and what you don't like, fundamentally having a great relationship with yourself first, will put you in good stead for a strong thriving relationship with another person.

To give all of yourself away in the name of love is a beautiful thing, but it also has the undertone of not taking responsibility for your own feelings.

There needs to be a balance between how much you give away and how much you keep for yourself and how you negotiate these with yourself first and your relationship second.

This may sound hugely unromantic and rather selfish, but the fact of it is without a healthy happy self, there is little chance of a healthy happy relationship...start with loving you, then put the work into your relationships.

Please don't explain!!!

This is a great post on why both blaming and explaining are forms of control and ineffective communication... I just want to explain!

Sorry to cheat and repost other blog articles.

I am very busy at the moment, but will post more of my own work over the summer.

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Need versus Desire...

This is a really interesting blog post on Emotional needs 

I love this quote:

"To be free to do something, you must be free not to do it." 

Such a powerful idea and so true...

Happy Pancake day!

 xxx