Do you have a good relationship with yourself?

I really love this quote from Rilke.

"Love is something difficult and it is more difficult than other things because in other conflicts nature herself enjoins men to collect themselves, to take themselves firmly in the hand with all their strength, while in the heightening of love the impulse is to give oneself wholly away." 

Rainer Maria Rilke: From Letters to a Young Poet - Letter Seven (14 May 1904) 

It is so true, love by virtue of itself, inspires us to give everything away.

However, to be in love and maintain a healthy fulfilling relationship you need to develop a really strong sense of self and personal boundaries.

Knowing who you are, your strengths and vulnerabilities, what makes you happy and what you don't like, fundamentally having a great relationship with yourself first, will put you in good stead for a strong thriving relationship with another person.

To give all of yourself away in the name of love is a beautiful thing, but it also has the undertone of not taking responsibility for your own feelings.

There needs to be a balance between how much you give away and how much you keep for yourself and how you negotiate these with yourself first and your relationship second.

This may sound hugely unromantic and rather selfish, but the fact of it is without a healthy happy self, there is little chance of a healthy happy relationship...start with loving you, then put the work into your relationships.